Every Day, Amnesia In The Morning
I wake up every morning and realize I'm alive. I find myself on a sofa in a living room. I stare at my hands and think about how they still work. Sometimes I can't control my emotions, and my mind feels like a storm of conflicting feelings. It's hard to make sense of these emotions, and some days are tougher than others.
My phone tells me it's Saturday, and as I wake up, I try to piece together where I am. The bright room with too many windows and empty glasses makes me think I'm not at home. I live with two roommates, one of whom is my eleven-year-old son. I struggle to remember where I am and the people around me. I often wake up feeling confused and in pain.
I have been living with my best friend, Louise, for over a year, but I struggle to remember our history clearly. I've distanced myself from the outside world and find it hard to leave the house. I often struggle with the memories of my past, because the occasions are, more often than not, memories that are disturbing. Before, I'd blocked out so much of my earlier years. But now those recollections are back, and much more detailed than before.
I recall an experience of getting my clit piercing, and it reminds me of other occasions when I altered my body and appearance. I find myself walking outside, aimlessly, and sometimes-to a liquor store. After the surgery, my license was taken away. Past events that happened in the past battle inside my skull. Memories aren't the same anymore.
